Q&A!

Alright alright fam, here it is in all of its glory. I'm going to fire out the questions and hopefully crank out some insightful answers. If you're lucky, I might even attempt to be humorous. But let's not push our luck here. My sense of humor is...different.

I feel like I'm writing a magazine article where I'm some rando magazine and I'm interviewing some rando person and the whole thing feels like an assignment from the Journalism elective I took sophomore year of high school...

Attention span = small af. Yikes...

Okay okay okay. Let's do thissssssssss.

Q: Do you take any supplements? Like pre workout of bcaa or fat burners? I've never really used any and I'm not sure if I should start?

A: More often than not, I work out in the early morning (6:30 AM when I'm running on time, 6:45 when I'm a little late :P). I personally find that taking pre-workout before my morning workout has really made a difference. For the past year I have been using the PUSH product from SFH, and I found that it doesn't leave me tingly or itchy. However, since being at school (and using up my supply), I've started using PRE by NutraBio. It's been about three weeks on this product and I like it! Again, I don't feel tingly or itchy after taking it but I feel it does give me just the boost I need! As for BCAAs, I'm not for or against them. If they're in my products, that's fine, but an absence of them doesn't turn me away. And fat burners? Ha. I won't even talk about those. Yikes! If you feel that you could use a little boost before your workout, and are interested in trying a pre workout supplement, I don't see any harm in that! Just don't DEPEND on them. In the end it's the effort you bring to the workout.

Q: What was the hardest part to overcome your eating disorder?

A: This question is always tough... but I'm tougher. Hahah no but seriously, it's a hard one to answer because recovery as a whole is the HARDEST task I've ever faced. However, I'd have to say leaving my comfort zone. My personal eating disorder struggle consisted of anorexia nerve restrictive type coupled with orthorexia/exercise addiction. That being said, leaving my comfort zone meant expanding my diet while on exercise restriction. This was HARRRRDDDD. But like I always say, the best and most effective way to recover is through exposure. Once I EXPOSED myself to new foods, the ones that I have put off limits for so long, once I let myself sit down instead of stand, allowed myself to skip the workout, I was able to come to terms with my discomfort. You'll never learn how to leave your comfort zone until you LEAVE IT. I'm a creature of habit. I have routines that I find comfortable. Discomfort scares me. My ED was comfort. Excessive exercise was comfort. But they were false comforts. They were destructive killers and my demons. So I had to face them and let them go. I didn't truly "recover" until I was on complete exercise restriction for months, paired with a heightened and varied intake. At first it was terrifying, but consistency is key. Once you face these fears, they become less and less scary.

Q: How long do you spend at the gym/what exercises do you do?

A: I never spend more than an hour at the gym! I usually go before or between classes, and I have other priorities to attend to! Plus, the walk to the gym is about ten minutes from my apartment, so I have to account for travel time as well. I don't always go in with a plan, but I usually begin my workout with about 15-25 minutes of easy warm up cardio on a machine and then use free weights, body weight, or machines for the second part of my lift.

Q: I find myself constantly thinking of food even though I eat regularly. Do the thoughts ever go away? Also, do you have any advice for over-eating episodes?

A: Personally, I used to think about food all of the time when I was at my worst. Now, I still think about food, but in a completely different way! Before, I was longing and basically idolizing foods because I was so deprived of them. Food was all I could think about because it was the one thing I "couldn't have". However, now I find myself thinking about food because I'm so excited to try new things and expose myself to more foods. Living in the city, I get so excited at the thought of all the new eateries I could try. I love going grocery shopping because food excites me. I follow plenty of cooking blogs because food is a hobby for me. The thoughts don't necessarily go away, as everyone thinks about food to an extent. I suggest shaping your views on food to be positive and to work with the thoughts rather than deem them as disordered. Because that's not always the case!

As for over-eating, it sounds like you're referring to "reactive eating" episodes. This usually happens when you're in recovery and you're finally starting to normalize your eating habits. Your body is so excited and thrilled to be treated right away, it gets overwhelmed. You may find yourself wanting everything in sight, and it's almost as if you're making up for lost time. This is OKAY. This is normal. It is not a binge or "over-eating". Once you're consistently eating freely and enough and normally, you'll find this doesn't happen anymore. And if it does, that's FINE. There's always the next to do start over. Always!

Q: What's your biggest fear and why?

A: Totally non-ED related, but I'm actually pretty damn scared that I'm going to get tied up in a career or never meet someone and then never have kids and then not mind for some time but then I'll be 1000 years old all by myself and I hate animals I won't even have pets so I'll like actually be alone and I'll regret never having kids but at the same time I'm so scared to have kids and this is overwhelming. Yikes.

Q: Were you in the hospital?

A: Ah, I was (in)patiently waiting for this one ;) All jokes aside, yes, I was. I was inpatient twice during my sophomore year of high school. Upon my second discharge, I attended a PHP program for three weeks before seeing an outpatient team for some time.

Q: Do you ever find yourself comparing your body to someone else and then end up feeling insecure about your own? If so, then how do you usually deal with it?

A: In the past, I compared myself to EVERYONE! I was so absorbed in my disorder that I couldn't help but admire everyone around me. I used to walk the halls of my high school and boil with envy for the girls who filled out their jeans "just right", who had this and that while I was wasting away. I then would pick myself apart, tell myself there's no point in trying, I'd never be like them, I should just give up...and now I feel so sad thinking about that. For me, recovery didn't really set in until I detached myself from others. My whole downward spiral deeper and deeper into my disorder was a result of my constant comparing. I had to be "better" than everyone else, and for me, that was eating less and working out more. The good old destructive duo. Fast forward to today, I preach freedom in all areas of life. Today, I can honestly say I'm only in a competition with myself. I just want to be better than I was yesterday. And I'll still be me regardless of what everyone else is around me. So what she looks the way she does? What does that change for you? Absolutely nothing. She's her and you're you. Remind yourself that there is absolutely no correlation. In the end you have total control over what you choose to do. Do the right, rational thing.

Q: How many times a week do you do cardio/lift for upper body and lower body? Also, sets/reps?

A: I workout six days a week with one totally rocking rest day. Because my upper body grows at twice the speed of my lower body, I find that sometimes I end u with 2 upper body days and 4 lower body days, but usually its an even split. Maybe one day is a full body day. I'm not super strict about it. I tend to do most exercises for 3-4 sets and 8-12 reps depending on the move!

Q: How tall are you?

A: A threatening 5'2 (and a half!) :)

Q: Any advice for people feeling super lonely in college?

A: Definitely take advantage of being around so many new people. Odds are there's at least one genuine great loving soul right on campus that you haven't made the effort to seek out yet. For me, that was one of my professors. I've made the effort to attend her office hours, email her, and stay after class to just talk about life. Of course my professor isn't going to make an effort toward her student to be more "friendly" with them, because that was on me. Eventually, I even opened up to her about my past and how different my life is now. It felt so comforting to have someone to just listen. My advice, in short, is to actively solve your loneliness. Nobody deserves to be lonely, and only you can change that. Put yourself outside of your comfort zone. Go up to people and make an effort to introduce yourself. Next semester when classes start, try to become friendly with new kids in your classes. Find a teacher that you enjoy being around. The reality is, you're away at school and as awesome as it would be to hug your parent or hang out in your sister's room all day, it's not that simple. College is your time to cultivate new friendships and an opportunity to seek out new experiences. Solve your own loneliness! As my dad always (wisely) says, "every problem has a solution".

Q: Do you have any suggestions for menu plans or vegan diets? I'm currently in the recovery phase and am trying to put on weight.

A: My advice would be to expand your intake as much as possible if you're trying to put on weight. "Diets" in recoveries (vegetarian, vegan, etc) typically are one eating disorder turning into another. They become valid excuses for restricting your intake and therefore strengthen an already poor relationship with food. Once you are weight restored, have maintained that weight for a significant amount of time, and feel free in your relationship with food, then approaching those types of lifestyles is a different story. Since you're trying to restore weight and mental stability, I strongly strongly discourage listing your intake.

Q: What do you eat pre-workout?

A: I always take my pre-workout drink before morning workouts, and on days where I work out between classes, I eat breakfast (usually a balanced meal of carbs, proteins, and fats) and take my pre workout after class/after breakfast.

Q: What is your favorite part about being recovered/the best way your life has changed because of it?

A: The best part about being recovered is having another shot at life. Boy, I can't even begin to explain how amazing it is to feel alive. I don't remember the exact moment it hit me, it was more gradual, but as the weight was restored and my brain began to rationalize its thoughts and I began to grow free from my ED, I remember thinking "I'm alive". I remember taking a breath and letting it out, and being so grateful for the ability and the chance to do so. You see, an ED kills you. Slowly, painfully, maybe not "technically", but who needs technicalities here? It kills you. It drains you of everything you've ever known yourself to be. Staying consistent with recovery allowed me to live again. I was able to have an amazing senior year of high school. I made some of my best friends my senior year, and get this; we went to the same high school for four years. Unfortunately, I spent 3/4 of those years dying from anorexia. When I was finally healthy and HAPPY again, I made it my business to seek out friendships and company. My recovery gave me a chance to live again. It gave me my very best friends. It gave the drive and ability to apply and be accepted to my dream school. It allowed me to attend college, to party late into the night and go to bars with new friends and to venture into the city and soak up the intimacy of such a huge city and I can go on and on but in the end, the best part about being recovered is LIFE. Living. Being alive. AGAIN.

Q: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

A: 5 years...a lot can happen in that time. And I plan on making a lot happen! Right now the plan is to go to law school, but honestly I'm not 100% sure. I want to stay in the city, I definitely would love a fast-paced job in the communications industry. To live in a high rise apartment overlooking Manhattan, maybe working in the marketing/advertising business or maybe for a news channel, honestly I have no clue. All I know is that I want to continue living a health-conscious life with lots of balance, friends, family, and happiness. And lots of good eats :)

Q: What's your favorite part about college?

A: I love everything about college. I'm so happy here. I love the spontaneity and how it's forced me so far out of my comfort zone in every way. I love all of the new people I've met and the professors I've come to know and the classes I take. I love my new gym, and my campus, oh my do I love my campus. I love how I'm close enough to home to hop on a train when my heart aches a little extra, but I'm far enough to feel like I'm on my own and doing big things. I love how close I am to the city, and I love having my own apartment, and I love how much I've grown as a person over the mere three months I've been here. I love how here, I'm healthy and happy and RADIANT. I'm not my eating disorder, I'm no trace of it. Here, I'm strong. College is my platform to show off my strength. And I've been making every effort to do so.

Q: Do you suggest more reps with less weight or more weight and less reps?

A: It depends on the exercise honestly! I find that with legs, I tend to do more weight and less reps, but with upper body, it's the opposite. It's all a matter of personal preference honestly!

Q: What is your absolute favorite meal?

A: Easy. My dad's Sunday meat sauce and huge heaping plate of pasta, paired with my mom's balsamic chicken meatballs, and a loaf of Legman's sprouted grain bread. Hands down. Always.

Q: What's your preferred way to eat a potato? And what's your favorite potato?

A: Sweet potatoes :) My new favorite way is to cube them, coat them in coconut oil, and bake on 400 for 50 minutes. Then I put them in the fridge for a few hours/overnight and eat them cold. Suuuuh sweet. Suuuuuuh gewd.

Q: Dream job? Top 10 foods?

A: I don't have a dream job. As long as I love my work and get to be as creative as possible, I should be happy. As for top 10 foods, that's really hard. In no particular order...

Sweet potatoes, pasta, pasta sauce, hummus, chicken, peanut butter, yogurt, granola, brown rice, zucchini, snap peas, bread, oatmeal, bananas, pink lady apples...I lost count....

Q: What are some suggestions for conquering fear foods? Opinions on "treats"?

A: Two words... EXPOSURE THERAPY! Seriously. There's only one way to conquer a fear food, and that is to consistently face it. It's common sense. The more often you eat it, and find that it doesn't kill you, the less fearful it becomes. It's daunting power weakens with every exposure. As for "treats", I don't believe in that term. If it makes your heart and soul and stomach happy, then it's "healthy". I don't really like that branding either. Bottom line is, everything in moderation is fair game.

Q: Favorite food? What helped you the most to recover?

A: Answered above :) I didn't truly recover until I was accepting of my situation. I had to accept my discomfort, I had to accept that I loved fitness but had to stop for some time, I had to accept the fact that I needed to gain weight. I had to accept what made me tremble with fear because if I didn't it would kill me. And I'd rather tremble for some days ,months,weeks, or years, as opposed to lying stone cold in a grave when I should be living my life.

Q: What are you majoring in?

A: I'm undeclared communications right now, but that's definitely going to change!

Q: What is your ideal day of eats (breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, and snacks)? How did you make your decision to choose Fordham for college?

A: Super hard question! Breakfast is hands down a bowl of oats with lots of peanut butter and lots of bananas. Lunch has to be a classic turkey and spinach wrap because it's such a simple pleasure. Dinner is Sunday dinner, obviously. Dessert...probably the Reeses Peanut Butter Cup Cheesecake slice from The Cheesecake Factory!!! (Yes, I always finish the entire slice). Snacks depend on my mood :)

I chose Fordham because the campus was beautiful, the location was perfect, and the academic rigor was right up to par with what I look for in a school. It's the best of both worlds; a city school with a college campus. If you're interested in applying or visiting, reach out! I'd love to show you around.

Q: How do you make you cauliflower oats?

A: I promise I'm going to attempt to do a step by step insta story the next time I make them. Keep your eyes out!

Q: Tips for incoming college students? Tips for people in a health "rut" (struggling to find motivation at the gym, feeling burnt out, struggling to eat healthy)?

A: College students: use your freshman year, especially the first months, to put yourself out there and make friends. This is the only time in your life that you'll be in a place where everyone around you is just as awkward and scared as you are. Take advantage and be friendly! It won't be weird, as everyone feels the same way. These are the times to really shape your own persona as well as to get to know others. For those struggling with their motivation in the gym, I suggest being gentle with yourself. Pressure from within and anger over falling short of self-inclifcted expectations is detrimental. It's also useless. If you're not performing how you'd like, give yourself a week off. If after that time you're not itching to get back, then maybe you're not super die-hard passionate about fitness, and that's OKAY. That doesn't make you less than someone else, or worse, or a bad person. Stay active when possible, but find other outlets to occupy your time. For some, myself included, the gym is my therapy and my hobby. If it doesn't feel that way for you, find out what YOUR therapy is. Everyone is different, and one hobby is not lesser than the next. Don't feel bad about what sets your soul on fire. It's not indicative of who you are or your worth. As for "healthy" eating, do your best to incorporate balance. If there are a couple of days where a veggie isn't to be found, that's FINE. Eventually get back on track. Eat for your health, not for an image. Eat for your happiness. Eat balanced and in moderation. Stop comparing yourself to others, in all aspects of your life.

Q: Favorite types of lifts to do? How long do your workouts usually take?

A: I love deadlifts, all kinds of squats, bicep curls, lateral raises...the basics really! I mentioned this in an earlier answer, but I don't spend more than an hour at the gym!

Q: Do you take any vitamins or supplements?

A: Aside from pre workout and the incorporation of protein powders, I don't! If anyone has any suggestions or persuasive arguments for some vitamins though, I'd love to hear!

Alright, phew! That looks like the last of them. Funny how this post came full circle. First and last question were virtually the same...I just answered the questions in chronological order of when I received them! Hm...interesting.

Sorry this is a long long lonnnnng post, but I really wanted to be as insightful as possible! NGL I have no idea how to set up commenting on this blog, but I really would appreciate any and all feedback on this post! DM me, email me, comment on my insta, let me know how (and if) this post helped you or was meaningful in any way. Thank you for everything, always!

Sending love, xo.