The View From the Middle

In today's society, it seems as if all topics are black and white, and picking a side on every controversial issue is a must. Our generation is fixated on mass movements, radical thinking, and desperately trying to appear politically inclined. For example, if you're a young adult today, you or many of your friends are likely avid protestors, feminists, etc. This mass gravitation towards "doing the right thing" has become, in my opinion, almost as bad as its counterpart. I'm not here to speak about political issues, but I for one see myself in the middle on a lot of things, a stance I find to be rare. It might be more common than I'm inclined to believe, but our society functions in such a way that if you're not extreme in your views, you're wrong. I love being a woman, and I understand that there are issues of inequality today that are still very much alive and require action. However, I don't identify as a "feminist". I had no desire to participate in a Woman's March even though I live in NYC and it would have been effortless to do so. Does this make me "wrong"? Is feminism "right"? I'm not extreme in my views, but that doesn't mean I don't have valid opinions. Today's society disregards those of us who don't go above and beyond to fight tooth and nail for every issue.

That's why I want to talk about why it's okay to think differently than the radical majority.

Politics aside, this concept is also applicable to body positivity and post-recovery lifestyles. Those are two distinct topics with lots of ground to cover, but I I'll do my best to make my point...

Let's start with body positivity. Loving my body has been an up-and-down process, and still is to this day. For me personally, I've seen my body at a deadly weight, I've seen it weight-restored after months of weight gain and no exercise, after relapses, after more weight gain, etc. Today, after years of struggle and recovery, I love my body for what it DOES and all it CAN do, and have learned to significantly lower the emphasis I place on what it LOOKS like. However, it's not always sunshine and rainbows. Some days are harder than others.

Now to the "radical movement" part of it all. I'm sure you've seen countless social media icons posting unedited body pictures, expressing a need to show off their raw bodies at unflattering angles because it represents an acceptance. If these pictures and actions are what one needs to do in order to feel comfortable in their own bodies, then they should do that. I support that 100%! I personally don't feel the need to do so. I wouldn't be comfortable posting pictures of my body at an unflattering angle. Does this make me "bad"? Am I "wrong"? There's nothing wrong with my discomfort. If the angle is unflattering, that's not something I would want to look at honestly. I work hard in the gym and eat well and have a healthful lifestyle. The benefits I reap from my lifestyle choice go beyond my body's appearance, however, they do contribute to progress that I'm proud of. To show off my body at angles that purposefully DON'T communicate this just doesn't seem sensible to me. If the point of the image is to be therapeutic for the person who posted it, that's one thing. But I don't find comfort in that personally. Again, I find myself in the middle. I support body positivity 100000000% and I'm passionate about promoting a healthy relationship with body image. However, I'm not "radical". I still get self-conscious about my body, and I don't think that makes me wrong or bad or whatever. It makes me human, and it's beyond okay. Not enough people voice their opinions if they go against the mainstream voice. It's god damn frustrating.

In terms of a post-recovery lifestyle, this gets tricky. I only speak for myself and no others. I also come from a long period of post-recovery stability. There seems to be a misunderstanding that if you've recovered from an eating disorder, and then choose to eat a specific way/follow certain dietary restrictions, that that's disordered. The radical element here is that those who are recovered have to prove this to the world and eat everything and anything to show they have no fear. In my healthful years, I have found that my body feels better when eat wholesome, fresh, nutrient-dense foods. I LOVE eating home-cooked meals, I think whole wheat pasta tastes ten times better than regular, I choose to stay away from canola oil after careful research, etc. After treating my body so terribly for so long, I'm passionate about doing everything I can to show it love. Post-recovery, you SHOULD be eating anything and everything, but only if you WANT IT. I'm not "afraid" of foods. There's a difference between being fearful of foods and consciously choosing to stay away from them because YOU PERSONALLY have made the choice to. Food and nutrition is a passion and interest of mine, and I find myself doing large sums of research almost daily because I find it fascinating. Just because you don't see me downing chips and pizza and cookies doesn't mean I'm not recovered. It means I would prefer to eat these foods made with different ingredients that my body feels better about. There's nothing wrong with the foods I mentioned above. If those are foods you enjoy, you eat them. I don't feel I have to explain myself to anyone; I don't need validation from complete strangers on the Internet (specifically speaking of those whole like to penalize my intake).

Regarding post-recovery choices, I once again stand in the middle. I believe in being free to eat whatever you want, whenever you want, etc. BUT I don't think being health conscious should communicate to being disordered. It's beyond frustrating. I have proven that I'm not subject to this disorder anymore. I am finally in a place where I can be trusted to make safe decisions for myself. If I'm doing so, and have been, then I will continue to do so.

I say this with love and not with anger. It's a touchy subject, and this post is only representative of my personal experience and views. I can't speak for others, but I know there are more of us who are paralyzed into silence by radical movements and expectations. I know there are more of us in the "middle", regardless of the issue. If you find yourself here, speak up. The view from the middle isn't as bad as it's (unfairly) cracked up to be.