Your Body ISN'T an Indicator of Your Lifestyle

Even though it feels as if I’ve been leading a healthful lifestyle for the entirety of my existence, in the grand scheme of things it has only been a little over a year since I embarked on this journey. For the longest time, I was under the impression that eating whole, nutrient dense foods, staying active, and avoiding poor food choices would give me the body I always dreamed of. I thought being health conscious and making the best decisions for my body would result in the perfect outward appearance. And while I maintain the lifestyle I do out of pure love for how it makes me feel and how it has changed my life, it wasn’t until recently that I finally came to terms with my body NOT attaining the look that I was chasing after. I am finally at peace with the fact that no matter how rich my diet it, no matter how much variation I throw into my workouts, my body is NOT a reflection of these things. I know I’m not the only one out there who is self-conscious about their body portraying the wrong message about who they are and what they are passionate about. But as I write these words, I realize how ignorant such a preoccupation is.

My friends and family associate me with ultimate health, fitness, wellness. In the Instagram community, this is the norm. But in real life, at least in my social circles, a dedication to well-being is not as common as I’d like it to be.

I’m about to get pretty personal and honest here. I spent the last few weeks picking my body apart solely because I didn’t believe it matched the dedication I exercised in my lifestyle choices. My issues have always pertained to my stomach area. Even in early childhood, I’ve always had well-defined and toned arms, lean legs, but always carried a decent amount of weight in my stomach. I was never lean or toned in this area, and this always made me uncomfortable. I thought when I began “dieting” (more like dying) that I would find a solution to this problem. Well, the weight evaporated right off and I had the six pack I always dreamed of. However, my mind was eating itself and my body was deteriorating. NOT a sustainable state for my body. Once I recovered and moved on from all stages of my disorder and subsequent recovery, I embraced a lifestyle of wellness and optimal health. This is the life I lead now. I fill my diet with wholesome, fresh foods and eat intuitively. I don’t kill myself in the gym, and never pressure myself to go beyond my limits. When I initially made this lifestyle jump, I figured, “Okay, so my last attempt didn’t work. THIS should do the trick”. So admittedly, yes, I did use this lifestyle to try to “lean out”, to finally achieve the stomach of my dreams.

Now that summer is here, I’ve been more focused on what my body looks like and in all honesty the past few weeks have been filled with lots of self-criticism and overall disappointment. I was living in a cloud of ignorance. I believed that I could control my body’s composition, when in reality when my body was at its strongest, healthiest, more capable state, it was going to look the way it was made to. I ignorantly believed that if I led the healthiest lifestyle possible, that this would show and be communicated to others through a shredded, absent-of-fat stomach. I spent the weeks leading up to summer preoccupied with what my friends would think of me when they saw me in a bathing suit in the coming weeks. My friends think I’m the fittest, healthiest person they know. Won’t they just laugh at me when they see my stomach, not as lean as theirs, not lean at all? They’ll probably think less of me and my efforts because what good is my lifestyle if it makes me look like this?

And then I realized, Ang, that’s REALLY FREAKING DUMB.

Because I live the way I do to FEEL the way I do. I adore eating wholesome foods, powering my body with clean fuel. I love the workouts I do, I love waking up and listening to my body when it says it doesn’t want to do cardio today, can we just stretch instead? I love knowing the choices that I’m making are going to be carried with me well into my old age. I love catering to my body’s needs and wishes and cravings and being friends with it. Remembering all of these aspects made me realize how much more I valued my internal state as opposed to my outer one.

Nobody can see how amazing you feel by simply looking at your body. Your body is NOT an indicator of your character, your dedication, or your lifestyle. When I try to manipulate my stomach to look the way I want, I am forced to sacrifice too many wonderful elements of my daily life to do so. I find that when I get caught up on how my body looks, I lose sight of why I stuck with this lifestyle.

So I may not have the body I’ve always dreamed of. But I’m so DAMN OVER CARING. Because it’s such a waste of effort, so much energy drained. You don’t realize how nobody else cares about what you look like until you put yourself in a vulnerable situation. The other day I went swimming with friends and almost cancelled last minute because I hated how I looked in my bathing suit. I sucked it up and went anyway. We had so much fun catching up and laughing and just enjoying each other’s company. It wasn’t until I got home hours later that I realized that all of the love and happiness I carried home with me were based purely in the health and wellness that have allowed me to become such a happy person, NOT because I looked a certain way in my bathing suit. My friends enjoyed spending time with ME, the person INSIDE my body, not with my body. I didn’t sit around looking at their bodies, so why was I SO convinced they would pick apart mine?

I’ve wasted too much time being paranoid. A body is a body, and if mine needs to look a specific way in order to function at my absolute prime, then so be it. We can’t be stuck in this mindset that if someone is healthy and well, if they are active and eating the highest quality foods and the most balanced diets, that they are going to have a certain body. I’m done being a part of this ignorant crowd. I now understand the value of a body, regardless of how it looks. Your body was meant to look a certain way, and you have no right to fight that. Embrace your outward appearance; everybody else only cares about what’s inside anyway.

Sending love :))